I Never Wanted This.

I never wanted my blog to become a depressing one. I knew I wasn't going to exactly have exciting things to blog about, but I never imagined having so many negative blog posts. But here goes another one unfortunately. Its really hard knowing that my parents struggle with bills, especially after all of the good things that have happened for us this year. I thought these things would bring change, and well being. But unfortunately they didn't bring those at all. They brought more stress, and more heart ache. Its hard getting up each morning, and knowing I can do nothing to help these two people that raised me, and had held me in their arms whenever I was sick, or sad, or just needed them to hold me. I hate seeing the struggle in their eyes, even when they try smiling. Sometimes I cry when I am alone. Just so they don't see how much their unhappiness affects me. Just so they don't get even more stressed out. I feel like such a burden for them. Me being unable to find a job only means I cant give them what little money I would be making. Any one reading this, thinking that its not that hard to find a job, how about you quit your job and try finding one with no experience. Anyways, God has a plan for all of us right? God knows what we are going to do before we do it? Then why would he make me go through all of these things just to fail them? I guess thats enough depression for you all tonight. I will try and think of something positive to blog about later today. Love you.
-Stacy

It's November!

So many good things have happened, and are happening this November. The first thing that happened was that my oldest sister, Rachele, became a mom for the first time to a little baby boy. His name is Teofilo Michael, and He weighed 6lbs 50z. That makes me so happy, I love him so much I haven't been able to meet him yet though. The next thing that is going to happen is thanksgiving. Not only is that my favorite holiday, But my sister Rachele, is going to come and visit and I get to meet my new nephew. I have three nephews at the moment. I have a very close relationship with the two oldest, but that's because they live with me, and I babysit them almost everyday. I am hoping to have a good relationship with Teofilo too, but he and his mommy and daddy live in California. The third thing happening this month is my 21st birthday. I don't have any plans, nor do I really want any. I wish I could be more outgoing and fun. But I am boring person, and I don't care to drink. I am not saying I haven't, because I have, and sometimes I like the way I feel. But I've been scared to drink lately. I have been hearing about young kids, and adults dieing from alcohol poisoning, and that scares me. So, I don't mind sitting at home with my family or even alone, and maybe playing some games or watching some movies or something. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a big baby. It does still make me happy to turn 21 because that makes me feel a little bit more mature, and adult like. Even though its just an age, and that doesn't make you an adult. I still feel like it. Ha Ha. The last thing happening is my Nephew Landons 1st birthday on November 30th. My little baby is getting so big. Ha Ha. Anyways, that's all for tonight.
-Love Stacy.

Waiting, and Waiting..

The whole time we were waiting for our weight loss program to get here, my family was talking about being excited, and ready to start it. We have had it for four days, and no one has mentioned it except for my sister.  We all need to get on it, and make a change in our life. so I really wish my parents would get on board with us, and be ready like they said they were. Yeah, a big change like that probably isn't easy; well, isn't easy. But, we could at least all get together and read through everything, and watch the DVD's it came with. I was so motivated with how excited everyone is, and now we are all being lazy about it, and I am slowly losing my motivation, and will power to change. Not that they are going to eat, and work out for me. But I do need them to help me stay motivated because I easily fall into being lazy, and fall in to my temptations. My sister asked me if I just wanted to start it with her, and not worry about my parents. I think I might just have to do that, since I need to just worry about myself anyways, and I am the biggest out of my family anyways. Hah.
Love Stacy.

Negativity!

I have been telling other family members, outside of my immediate family about this package my dad ordered. It's a weight loss program called Michael Thurmonds 'Six Week Body Makeover'. Well, any ways. I keep telling my family about it, and I've heard tons of negativity. Like "Are you sure it works?" , "Ew, You're going to get tons of excess skin" , "its a lot of hard work Stacy, are you sure you can do it?". I just want them to be positive. it's hard enough to be positive for myself. Maybe its the devils way of trying to knock me down. But I am going to lift myself up, and I am going to do this. I am going to prove everyone wrong that's ever made fun of me, or doubted anything I could do. This is it, this is my time. Yeah it's just so annoying about all these negative comments. But I mean, oh well, I am ONLY grateful of the support my Parents, Siblings, and Friends are giving me. I could be reading these people wrong, and taking their comments as if they really meant to be rude. But coming from these people I doubt it.
Love Stacy

Growing Up Fat.

I never realized how different I was until about 4th grade, when my Elementary School had gotten a new play ground. My friends, and I were chasing each other all over the play ground. Up, Down, and Around the jungle gym, all the way to the slides. It was then, that I started to feel embarrassed about my weight. All of my friends flew down the slide, and I was at the top, scared to get laughed at because I couldn't fit to go down it. I went home that day, and asked my parents if I was bigger than everyone else? They were honest with me, but said I was still a good kid. I went to school, and everyone was still nice to me, my friends were amazing. But, as I got older, I packed on a lot more weight. It wasn't until 6th grade that I really started getting picked on for my weight. I had maybe one friend, and that's no lie. I remember one day (in 6th grade) I was sitting in class, with about 5 other kids, and the teacher. The other kids started saying mean things to me. One girl asked me if it gets annoying spinning? I asked her what she meant, and she said because I am as big as a planet and revolved around the sun. I got so mad that I told her to shut up before I hit her in the face, and My teacher told the other kids to leave the room so he can talk to me. He didn't comfort me, he yelled at me, and told me I shouldn't talk that way to the students. I felt horrible. I dreaded going to school everyday. I felt things no eleven year old's should think. I thought about killing my self. Just ending it all just so I didn't have to go back to that classroom anymore. Where no one talked to me, except the one person that was my friend. But months into school she started being mean to me too. Telling me things that you wouldn't think a kid could say to another kid. She invited me over to stay the night, and I thought that meant we were going to be friends again. But I thought wrong. She got me to her house, and her friend from another school was there, waiting in her room. I could see them whispering, and making faces. They thought I was sleeping, but I laid awake all night listening to them say horrible things about me. Saying my fat ass was going to break the bed, and so much more. I am surprised they didn't hear me crying, I couldn't stop. I think I called my parents earlier than seven in the morning just so I could get back to them. The good thing that came with me getting picked on, was that I literally got straight A's all through Elementary and Middle School. But then in ninth grade I got so fed up, that I became bad. I stopped having respect for teachers, and most students, and did my own thing. I think my disrespect for teachers came from them now helping me. I don't remember any of my teachers sticking up for me, and telling the other kids to stop. I failed so many classes, that I am really surprised that I graduated. Although I wasn't happy being the way I was I finally felt like I had a lot of friends. But in the end, I hate my self for how I ruined my life. I will never get into a good university because of my poor High School Grades. I can't believe I let all those stupid kids ruin my life so much that it ruined how good of a student I could have been in High School. I will never get over that. Anyways, I am going to be Twenty-One Years Old on November 27th, 2011. I haven't enjoyed life like I have wanted too. I am still fat, and I haven't accomplished anything yet. One day I will change though, it's not about being skinny, and beautiful. It's about getting healthy, and building my confidence back up that I once had before 6th grade. I can't say much more about what happened in 6th grade, but I will tell you that I will never forget any of those people and what they did to me, and I will never forget the teacher who only taught me how to hate..

.::Clean & Clear Review::.

I have always had nice skin, even way past puberty age. But recently well, almost towards the beginning of this year, my 20th year of age. I have had poor skin, and breaking out all over my face. I originally wanted to use SkinID, but I couldn't wait any longer, to buy or order something. So I picked up the Clean and Clear Advantage Kit from walmart, for around 18 dollars, and got it home. Before using it I went on YouTube and checked out some reviews, and I liked what I seen. So I put it on around midnight, and I immediately saw and felt a difference. My face looked and felt cleaner, although it was dry, and still is dry. But it says right on the package to gradually go up in the amount of times per day you use it because it does cause your skin to dry out. I like it a lot though, my acne that was really red, and big is now small, and not red at all, and I am only two uses in since I got it 16 hours ago. I am not trying to put this product on a holy pedistool but it works, and I like it, and since it worked so good I want other people to use it too, that needs help with their acne, or just maintaining good skin. It does both, and this product works wonders. THANK YOU CLEAN AND CLEAR!! You really helped boost my confidence, because it was honestly depressing me having bad skin, especially since my skin was so amazingly clear, and nice for the first 19 years of my life.

I Love October..

It's OCTOBER, which means I am in my favorite month of the year! I love the weather, a lot of people hate it, but I love it. It's not too hot, but it's a little cold. Perfect for a sweater, or light jacket. I love seeing the kids in their Halloween costumes, running around with their pumpkin candy baskets. The leaves are so pretty, and I love when the wind is slightly blowing, and you can see the leaves tumbling down the street. I love having a four season porch, that I can witness all these things I love while sitting on the couch on the porch, and drinking my hot chocolate. It's really peaceful. It seems like it has a smell to it, Maybe I am going to far with this. Ha Ha. But it smells like rain, and crisp leaves, with a hint of apple cider. Ha Ha Ha
Love Stacy